Honest to Blog - What a week!

Yesterday was National Suicide Prevention Day.

My cousin posted on Instagram a series of images that indicated what to do if someone you know may be at risk. I wanted to take a look at what she posted and expand on it a little bit so that others can get a fuller picture of how to support someone at risk.

This week is a big one for those with mental illnesses and who have attempted, or considered, suicide as a viable option.

We have not one, but two, reminders this week – Suicide Prevention Day (September 10th) and Are You Ok Day (September 12th).

The message these days aim to send is one of awareness – shedding light on the dark conversations that sometimes need to be had.

Although this is an amazing and forward-thinking initiative it can also be an unwanted reminder to those who have struggled and those who have lost someone to suicide.

I wanted to take this opportunity to emphasise the importance of practicing mindfulness during this week.

As someone who has personally dealt with the aforementioned struggles I feel as if it may be useful to put it out there on the inter-webs that there are warning signs to look for, but there are also things that can be done to help.

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Firstly, it may seem blatantly obvious, but I want to reiterate the significance of talking.

A person at risk may talk about one, or more, of the following:

· Killing themselves

· Feeling hopeless

· Having no reason to live

· Being a burden to others

· Feeling trapped

· Feeling unwanted/unloved

· Unbearable pain

It may be a conversation, but it could also just be a comment in passing.

Never underestimate the effect that lending an ear can do to support someone who has talked about any of the dot points above.

In a time when joking about suicide and using dark humour to cope we can often forget, or not think further, about the ramifications of someone saying they feel this way.

One bad day can so easily turn into a bad week or a shift in perspective. This shift can be seen through behavioural changes. If you notice any of the following in a friend, colleague or family member it is vital to take action – even if you feel you aren’t ridiculously close!

Sometimes the kindness of strangers can make a world of difference!

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Behaviours that may signal risk (especially if related to a painful event, loss of change) may include:

· Increased use of alcohol or drugs

· Looking for a way to end their lives, such as searching online for methods or even asking others what their preferred method might be

· Withdrawing from activities

· Isolating oneself from family and friends

· Sleeping – too much OR too little

· Visiting or calling people to say goodbye

· Giving away prized possessions

· Aggression

· Fatigue

· Loss of appetite or overeating

As someone who has been in the mindset where there has been an imminent risk, I can assure you that each and every one of these has at some point hindered my life.

It is so easy to overlook when someone starts being social again, thinking “hey, they’re doing better.” You may not even realise they are starting to say goodbye. Sometimes it can be in the smallest of gestures, such as randomly beginning to tell people how much they matter or how important they are – because someone at risk generally doesn’t want anyone else to feel the way they have.

The feelings someone at risk has may not always make sense to you. You may think that the person is being dramatic or selfish (one I often heard when I was younger). When struggling with mental health it is very common to become caught up in your thoughts and feelings. You can begin to think that your perception of reality is the truth, that the dark thoughts must be right, that you are in fact worthless. Being told you are dramatic or selfish while already thinking such self-deprecating thoughts can convince someone that their thoughts are warranted.

When thoughts such as these manifests they begin to show through the mood and attitude a person has.

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People who are considering suicide often display one or more of these moods:

· Depression

· Anxiety

· Loss of interest

· Irritability

· Humiliation/Shame

· Agitation/Anger

· Relief/Sudden improvement

I think the scariest concept is that there is an “ah-huh” moment that someone who is at risk of suicide can feel. There can be that sense of feeling lighter once you’ve made the decision. Life can all of a sudden get better for this person, they can seem happier or freer.

Unfortunately, the reason for this isn’t because they have finally accepted their state of mind and are coping better… it is actually because they know they don’t have to deal with life, and all of their pain, for much longer.

Over the years I have seen the Crisis and Assessment Treatment Team more times that I care to admit. This team comes and meets someone who is at risk of suicide and asks a whole bunch of questions as they work to gain an understanding of the persons state of mind. One of the biggest questions the CATT team asks is “do you have a formulated plan.”

They are checking for things like have you decided how, when or where.

For those who have never gone through this process, it is gruelling!

To sit in front of strangers and divulge incredibly personal information is, at the best of times, completely discomforting.

Now imagine you are doing this assessment when you are overwhelmed by life.

It is not easy!

If you have a formulated plan, you now reside in a psychiatric ward until further notice.

If you do not, you’re still in the real world but getting checked on daily until strangers deem it unnecessary.

Not to discredit the work that the CATT team do but imagine if instead of feeling suicidal and having a stranger check on you… just imagine… if that was instead a friend or someone you knew. Instead of the CATT team leaving and then that overwhelming sense of being alone or unwanted crawls back in as fast as it left… what if it was a friend who just… stayed?

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There are things YOU can do for someone who is at risk of suicide.

1. Have an honest conversation. Assume you are the only one who will reach out.

2. Talk to them in private.

3. Tell them you care about them.

4. Ask directly if they are thinking about suicide.

5. Encourage them to seek treatment, or to contact their doctor or therapist.

6. Avoid debating the value of life, minimising their problems or giving advice.

Essentially, if you think someone is at risk… LISTEN TO THEM.

You don’t have to get it. You don’t have to understand why. All you need to do is listen and show that you care.

I can’t promise you that choosing to be the one who supports an at-risk person will be easy - in fact, I can assure you it won’t.

I know that while I have been in my most bleak moments that I have pushed people away or denied that any help was necessary because I was convinced that I was just making their life harder and felt like a burden.

It isn’t easy to show love to someone who doesn’t think they are worth loving - but it is incredibly necessary.

If it weren’t for certain people in my life today, I don’t know that I would even be here.

To those who visited me in the psychiatric hospital at some point in the past two years, who brought me little gifts and reminders that I matter… Thank You!

It means the world to know there are so many caring souls in this universe. I hope that this Blog Post helps you, or someone you care about.

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If you feel that you need help I strongly urge you to seek the assistance of friends, family or you can call the numbers of helplines such as Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) or Lifeline (13 11 14)

Or visit www.beyondblue.org.au or www.lifeline.org.au