Honest to Blog - South East Asia
- Ang Nicole
- Apr 24, 2019
- 6 min read
Updated: May 10, 2019
Let me just start off by stating that although this is a travel post I currently am unable to upload any photos of my trip as my internet is spotty and I don't have a laptop (so that I can format the post the way I usually do).
I'll definitely add some photos once I'm home so you can see evidence of the awesome stuff I've been up to in Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia!
Edit: photos added.
Around the time I first started my blog I did a little intro to who I am and what I'm passionate about. In one of these posts I talked about how I love to travel, explaining that travel is a part of what makes me who I am, but also isn't a panacea.
Right now I'm in transit, waiting for a flight from Kuala Lumpar (KL) to Penang.
I am so grateful that currently airport waits are the bane of my resistance. Honestly, how priveliged am I to be able to say that waiting is the worst thing I have going on for me in this very moment!
Today has been a LONG day of travel.
My day started with a few hours on a bus as I headed out of the Jungle and back toward civilisation. Once at the airport I took a 3 hour flight to KL and now I'm waiting for my next flight before having to get a taxi to my accommodation in Georgetown.
Lessons from the Jungle: it is loud!
I went trekking with a group and we stood in the Jungle at one point and just listened to the deafening sound of the Jungle.
It was amazing, and somewhat terrifying, to be a part of the nature that was entirely engulfing. There was so much flora to appreciate as we stayed alongside the Kinabatangan River. There was also mosquitos everywhere, spiders, cicadas, ants and monkeys... so many monkeys!
It was super scary being told not to look at the monkeys in the eyes, or show our teeth, because they'd likely attack if we did.
It may seem that this is a digression, but in fact it is an articulate segway to discussing how mental health effects me during travels.
I was meant to go on many more treks than the one that I did, and go on a second sunrise river cruise too... But I didn't do all the activities that were planned thanks to my ever present, ever annoying, anxiety.
My partner likes to say that I'm cute and little because I'm scared of things. True as that may be, it is very frustrating for me when I want to do something but stressing over it prevents me from the plans I have.
Admittedly this trip has been far less stressful than everyday life, but that hasn't stopped my mind from overthinking almost everything.
First of all, I am entirely forgetful. I've had to ask so many times what the plans we have are (and then ask again, because I've forgotten). This in itself is so frustrating! I just don't seem to retain the information being told to me.
Secondly, I am ridiculously discomforted by the thought of certain creepy-crawlies! Give me worms, beetles and cicadas and I am fine!! But bees, mosquitos, spiders, ants... not a chance!!
While on this trip of South East Asia my hatred toward these minibeasts has impacted my ability at times to enjoy what has been going on around me.
I visited an Orangutan rehabilitation centre in Sepilok and instead of the moments we were meant to watch the feeding of the baby orgutans I was watching the floor because there were ants that were constantly threatening to invade my personal space.
The same occurrence sabotaged my ability to truly enjoy observe the sun bears at their sanctuary the next day. Ants crawled along the railing and it was all I could focus on for a little while. Sure, I got some great viewing time and got to see the tiny bears snacking on some shrubbery, but in the back of my mind was the constant nagging of anxiety that wouldn't ease up!
While in the Jungle I experienced some amazing sights! The wildlife there was out and about the evening we first arrived. We went on a river cruise during which we saw proboscis monkeys, three species of macaque, some rare birds, a Bornean pygmy squirrel and a baby fresh water crocodile (which I spotted - yay!).
That evening we were supposed to go on a night trek but my partner was unwell, so out of solidarity (and because I am in fact a super sleepy person) I stayed back and we watched a movie before calling it a night quite early.
At this point I was still super keen to go trekking but figured I'd just go the next day.
When the next day came and I went trekking the only thing I could think was that I didn't have mosquito repellent. We had mosquito bands, but jungle mosquitos seem to have not gotten the memo that these mean to leave us alone - how rude!
The trekking was okay, not too exerting. It was a short trek that circumnavigated our accomodation. Early on in the trek our guide conceded that mosquitos like black clothing... of which I was covered from head to toe!
What ensued was a trek during which all I could think was that I didn't even want to be there, I could very easily have been napping (or hiding out in the confines of my mosquito netted bed). Instead, I jogged on the spot each time we stopped to look at flora and fauna.
After this I kind of gave up on the Jungle as being a lovely place to relax. I was paranoid and exhausted from the anxiety it was giving me.
It wasn't like this for the entirety of my trip thus far. We started off in Singapore, a place I absolutely adore. Singapore is so clean and organised that it just makes me happy!
I can't stress enough the beauty of the Super Trees at Gardens by the Bay.
I had a wonderful time exploring the gardens and soaking in the sunlight there!
Granted the back of my mind was playing over lots of things that have happened recently with my family that have left me feeling constantly anxious and taking a brief hiatus from social media (so as not to trigger my anxiety further). As a result my partner and I agreed upon a rule about use of communication devices so that we can enjoy our holiday without added stresses.
In a way, problem solving is one of my best qualities. Unfortunately I can only utilise this ability when I'm not feeling entirely overwhelmed... and lately I have been incredibly overwhelmed.
But fortunately this break overseas has removed me from so many of my everyday worries and given me a bit of perspective.
I've been able to see who (and what are) important to my life, and to understand that maybe I don't make that clear enough.
As I said earlier, travel is no panacea - there's no cure all for mental health. You can't just go away and then it's all fixed... as nice as that may sound, it isn't a reality (at least not in my experience).
However, being away means I have enough space from stuff so that I can see what is worth having on my mind and what isn't.
And thankfully, I am able to see that a lot of what I am worried about at home doesn't deserve to take up space in my mind.
So, next stop George Town - taking in the murals and market food!
This part of the trip will be more for my partner than myself, he is a bit of an artist and has a great appreciation for street art such as the murals we will be seeing. He also loves authentic, ethnic food... and this place is buzzing with it!
After George Town we head to a part of the trip that is entirely for me - the Cameron Highlands.
Boasting some impeccable black, white and green tea that reflect the terroir, the Highlands is going to be a highlight for me! And we are splurging a bit while there, staying in a mansion!
We then sweep back down to KL to see the Batu Caves and other touristy things before being whisked away to Indonesia, where we will head out to Gili Trewangan Island to stay in a tree house prior to a tour of Ubud.
This three and a half weeks away is to celebrate my partners 30th birthday! So of course I'm making a huge effort to remind him that he is old as often as I can - being respectful of course not to push his buttons too much.
This trip isn't going to be "perfect." We're going to fight, no doubt. We'll have good days and bad days. There will be stuff we do that I don't like and stuff that I do. I might still wake up feeling depressed or anxious. But the point is that even though I feel this way, I'm still putting myself out into the world and making the most of this life I have.
It's okay to acknowledge that traveling doesn't cure anxiety or depression or even BPD. It's super fine to be overseas and still be questioning your existence. That's not just going to go away.
But hey... I'd rather be feeling that way while trekking through the Jungle or swimming in a pool than at home in bed.
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