Honest to Blog - We're Going on a Bear Hunt (Intro Post)

Do you remember?

When was the first time you knew?

When did you figure it out?

Was it jaw-dropping, earth shattering, mind-blowing?

Or was it just a simple thing that you didn’t pick up on until years later, decades even?

For me, the first memory that I have (that I can undoubtedly link to what I now know as anxiety disorder) was when I was in kindergarten.

We’re Going on a Bear Hunt.

Childhood favourite of so many, written by Michael Rosen in 1989, We’re Going on A Bear Hunt is known to be an exciting and engaging ‘chant-aloud’ book for young children.

Unfortunately for me, the opposite was true.

This classic and award-winning piece of literature actually induced my first ever anxiety attack.

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Yep. That’s Right.

This is another blog about the struggles of a millennial with mental health problems.

Hey, I am Ang – short for Angela, but NEVER Angie (hence, no ‘e’ in the abbreviation… just in case someone decides to mispronounce it or thinks calling me Angie is cute – it is not.)

As far as I can remember I have always had anxiety, although I didn’t actually know what that was for a long time. When I was 13 years old I was diagnosed with severe depression. And, at the ripe age of 23, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (referred to as BPD).

Oh yeah - Trigger Warning!

For those who can’t stomach things like mental health problems, poorly written prose and millennial angst… maybe this blog isn’t for you.

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So anyway, we were sat on the mat listening to my teacher read about this poetic bear hunt and chanting back the lines we were meant to. But hey, teachers are fun and out-going… so let’s all stand up! Let’s act out the bear hunt: Swishy, Swashy! Through the grass. Splash, Splosh! Through the river. Squelch, Squerch! Through the mud… eventually we get to the cave. And there they are – the beady, black eyes of a BIG brown bear!!

( Side note, I have an overactive imagination so this feels so real to me)

And then it happens - my ever first anxiety attack.

I’m fetal. Shaking. Crying. Screaming… somehow all at once.

I was PETRIFIED of the bear that we’d created with our imaginations.

But, it was 1997 (and my parents didn’t really believe in things like mental health issues) so nobody really thought anything other than “Oh, cute! Little Ang got so scared.”