Honest to Blog - "Butterflies"
- Ang Nicole
- Apr 3, 2019
- 10 min read
Over the past 7 years I have worked in early childhood education I have gotten to know lots of different children, parents and families.
I have had secret little favourites, who I in no way treated differently but still just loved to work with, and I have had those ones that have definitely not been my super favourite at all.
Working in this industry has been a huge eye-opener for me, and a fantastic method of birth control!
I have observed some incredible parents, making note of things that one day I hope to implement if I do end up having my own child, and I have watched numerous parents who teetered on the brink of negligence (but not so far as to warrant the ever-looming mandatory report).
What I have learnt from the short space of time I spend with families at drop-off and pick-up time, over the past 7 years, is that the best thing you can do for your child is understand their needs.
It is challenging working with toddlers who are unable to voice everything they want or need, but as you get to know each child individually you realise they all have their own special language.
I have children who bring a soft-toy from home that has it’s own name which has been given by the child – names like Totoo or Barbu.
It is always interesting watching new staff come in and completely dismiss children as they cry for ‘Totoo,’ because the name sounds like gibberish to an ear that isn’t used to hearing it.
That’s not to say that this educator is cruel or lacking empathy, they simply don’t know what to look (or listen) for.
The same can be said for parents who are new to the idea of understanding mental health – it isn’t that they don’t care, or are hoping their child is ‘normal,’ sometimes they just don’t know what to look for.
In my last post I touched on the concept of early intervention but focused on prevention of mental health in early childhood.
In this post I would like to expand a bit on early intervention.
You who are parents might just ignore these posts, as I am a childless individual. I get that a lot of what I say may seem like an invalid opinion and that you might think I don’t “get it,” but I assure you I have done a whole bunch of research on all of this and I have worked with countless children from ages 0 to 6 years old - so I have seen a LOT.
The first things a parent may note in a child that makes them think, “oh… maybe there is something going on here,” can often be things that anyone else wouldn’t pick up on.
As a parent, it is vital that you learn to pay attention to your child and understand their language (both verbal and non-verbal).
Below is a list of things to look out for in your child, which may indicate some distress linked to mental health concerns. A more in depth explanation of this can be found by following this link.
(I have done the old copy-paste on this one purely to avoid any confusion)
· Mood changes. Look for feelings of sadness or withdrawal that last at least two weeks or severe mood swings that cause problems in relationships at home or school.
· Intense feelings. Be aware of feelings of overwhelming fear for no reason — sometimes with a racing heart or fast breathing — or worries or fears intense enough to interfere with daily activities.
· Behaviour changes. These include drastic changes in behaviour or personality, as well as dangerous or out-of-control behaviour. Fighting frequently, using weapons and expressing a desire to badly hurt others also are warning signs.
· Difficulty concentrating. Look for signs of trouble focusing or sitting still, both of which might lead to poor performance in school.
· Unexplained weight loss. A sudden loss of appetite, frequent vomiting or use of laxatives might indicate an eating disorder.
· Physical symptoms. Compared with adults, children with a mental health condition might develop headaches and stomach aches rather than sadness or anxiety.
· Physical harm. Sometimes a mental health condition leads to self-injury, also called self-harm. This is the act of deliberately harming your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself. Children with a mental health condition also might develop suicidal thoughts or attempt suicide.
If you have noted any of the above symptoms, or for whatever reason may have concerns about your child’s mental health, then the next step is often to contact a trusted GP.
Depending on the age of your child, and their social capabilities, it may be best to speak to your child’s educator/teacher or friends and family that your child spends time with. Ask around and see if anyone else has noticed any change in behaviour.
Once you have a pretty sure idea that your child may need support, explain to your GP the observations you have made. It is best to be open and honest with your GP, as the diagnosis that potentially will ensue is made based on how the afore mentioned symptoms are affecting everyday life for your child.
At this point your child might not even be aware that you have any concerns, so be thoughtful with how you choose to proceed.
In a completely personal opinion, maybe try sitting your child down and explaining your concerns.
Even at a very young age it is important that we show respect and understanding to children so that they feel supported through this process rather than isolated.
I cannot stress enough to you that you should see mental health as an important part of your child’s life and strive to work with your child to achieve a healthy mind.
One illustration I think can be useful here is the idea of a couch. Picture yourself sitting on this couch, and your child by your side. The mental health concerns you are facing should not be in between you, severing your relationship, they should be in front of you. Both of you should be looking at it and teaming up together to work on it.
We shouldn’t think of needing to proceed with intervention as a reason to feel panicked. If your child has a broken arm then you take them to the doctors, this shouldn’t be any different.
If your child is feeling scared or anxious they should be able to come to you with that concern without fearing it will be disregarded.
Listen out for “sore tummy.”
I recently read a really great piece written on a site I follow for educators. For want of a better word, lets call it an article. So this article went into depth about how often in young children, anxiety presents in the form of a stomach ache.
Scientists explain the medical reasoning behind this: the stomach and intestine have their own nervous system, called the enteric nervous system. These nerves respond to the same stress hormones and neurotransmitters that our brains do. This means that a small change, like the passage of a gas bubble, can feel much worse when a person is stressed, tired, and run down.
So essentially, the “butterflies” your child may get could actually be their way of trying to explain a matter that is a little more serious.
When sitting your child down, perhaps try and engage in play. Sometimes working together to achieve something like dressing a doll or creating a racetrack might be a really great visual representation of the support you want to provide.
Try starting with something like “hey, I have noticed lately that you have been feeling sick a lot” or “I saw that you haven’t wanted to go to childcare/school lately” and then lead with an open ended question such as “can you tell me a bit about that?
Allow your child time to think of an answer, rather than giving them one. If you tell your child your concern instead of listening to their feelings this may set the scene for issues later on where your child doesn’t feel that they are heard or understood.
If they don’t feel like talking about it, that is okay!
Maybe suggest to them that they come and see a doctor because you “just want to make sure they are okay”. The same can be done even if your child does explain what has been happening.
Regardless of the answer, make sure that you take the time to really listen and respond thoughtfully. Integrating mindfulness into our interactions with children can increase our emotional awareness and self-regulation. This in turn helps us accept children's needs and feelings without judgment, which supports their healthy social and emotional development.
Try repeating back what they have divulged. If your child has said they don’t like childcare/school anymore try saying “I understand you don’t like school anymore, can you tell me what made you feel this way?”
Your child needs to know that you are a trusted adult who will be there for them; they need to feel safe and supported.
Continue with open questions and an open mind.
Stay positive and calm.
Even if your child does tell you something that completely knocks you off your feet, stay calm and ask them how they feel or what they think about the situation.
If you get angry, or sad, or upset in anyway, it may show your child that they were wrong to feel they could talk to you.
Depending on your child’s age they may be empathetic, seeing you upset by what has happened to them may make them feel that they shouldn’t be open about what upsets them because it is just going to upset you… trust me when I say that this can make your child feel isolated and might make them withdraw.
I don’t mean to sound so forceful about this, I just don’t want anyone reading this to think they now have a handle on tackling their child’s mental health concerns and then accidentally making things more complicated.
So, once you have listened to your child and explained that you want to make sure they are okay, it is time to go visit your GP together.
Your child's doctor might recommend that a specialist (such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, psychiatric nurse, mental health counselor or behavioural therapist) should evaluate your child.
If so, they would generally provide a letter or recommendation and give you a number to call or help you to book an appointment with the allocated specialist.
Let’s move onto the next step: treating a mental illness.
The two prevalent methods of treating mental illness in a child are therapy and medication.
There is a plethora of varying therapy styles.
The therapy your child will most likely undergo will be some form of psychotherapy.
For parents and young children there are many different types of psychotherapy. These therapies all focus on strengthening the bond between parent and child.
Examples of psychotherapy for parents and young children include Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), Circle of Security Parenting, Parent-Child Psychotherapy, Modified Interaction Guidance (MIG), and Child-Parent Relationship Therapy.
Make sure you organise, and then actually go to appointments.
Seems simple.
But sometimes, we as adults can find this challenging.
Particularly as parents the trap that is often fallen into is seeing this next step (diagnosis) as admitting that something is “wrong” with your child.
Lemme just make this real clear - NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ANY CHILD, EVER!
Your child has a broken bone, fix it. Your child has asthma, get a management plan. Your child bites, behavioural plan. Your child has anxiety, mental health care plan. Your child has a splinter, pull it out.
It is really simple.
We just need to support children so that they can grow up to be well adjusted, emotionally regulating adults.
We don’t need to raise doctors, astronauts and aeronautical engineers… we need to raise adults who are able to cope with whatever life throws at them.
So, take them to the appointments.
Even if it is hard for you, even if it gives you anxiety, even if it means you close yourself into your room and cry before coming out and smiling as if everything is fine… TAKE YOUR CHILD TO THEIR APPOINTMENTS.
And do not, for the love of any deity, stop abruptly.
Do not set a standard of care and then just give up because you don’t think it is working… this is so unfair to your child.
Okay, rant over.
Let’s talk medication.
I have mentioned in a previous post that I personally hate being medicated, but I will make this super clear – medication does work for some people.
It may not be my cup of tea, but medication is the sole reason some people can even function.
Once again, be open-minded about medication and ensure that your child understands that if they need medication that it is OKAY!
There are a whole bunch of different medication types from stimulants and antidepressants to anti-anxiety medications, antipsychotics or mood stabilizers.
Do your research and make sure you feel it is the best choice you can make for your child.
Understand that when taking medication the results will not be instantaneous. Sometimes it can take more than a month for any changes to be noticed.
As with therapy, do not abruptly stop medication.
Consult your doctor on what medication your child should take, as well as dosage and length of time the medication should be taken for.
Some children benefit from therapy alone, some from medication alone, and some from a combination of the two. There is no specific answer as to which will work for your child, trial each option and consider what will be best for them.
I have listed one course of action in terms of intervention, but it is important to note that sometimes the action that needs to take place isn’t so drastic.
Sometimes your child’s sleep routine may affect their behaviour, their diet, their exercise (or lack thereof) can also be a contributing factor.
I implore you to research and trial the things that you think may be useful and positive for your child. Every single one is different, so what you do for one child may not necessarily be the same for the next, and that is okay.
Some important brain foods to consider introducing into your child’s diet, if you haven’t already:
· Eggs – these contain protein and nutrients that are great for helping children to concentrate
· Greek Yoghurt – packed with protein, it is fantastic for helping the brain to send and receive information
· Spinach and Kale – full of folate and other vitamins plus anti-oxidants which help brain cells to grow
· Salmon, Tuna and Sardines – rich in omega 3, these fish protect the brain from declining mental skills and memory loss
· Seeds and Nuts - filled with protein, essential fatty acids, vitamins, and minerals, nuts and seeds may boost mood and keep your child's nervous system in check
· Oatmeal – contains protein and is fiber-rich, helping keep heart and brain arteries clear
· Apples and Plums – a healthy alternative to sweets, apples and plums contains antioxidants and have been listed as containing a compound that fights asthma
· Peanut Butter – a good source of vitamin E, plus it is yummy for little ones!
· Berries – great source of vitamin C, try strawberries, cherries, blueberries and blackberries
Maybe try to research and then document your findings.
If you do research that helps you find great recipes, write them down and write your child’s response to it. It may sound excessive, but having a documented diary for your child might help you notice patterns in behaviour based around food or exercise.
It is imperative that you help your child maintain a healthy lifestyle wherein they feel supported and confident to grow as an individual.
I hope some of this might have been insightful.
Comments